Hold them close.

Today we had a ceremony onboard the ship to remember the life of a Sailor in my department that tragically took their own life. During the ceremony, a slide show was playing pictures of his life. Pictures like the one above. In his pictures, all I could see is Jack and Emma.

The first time I switched roles, so to speak, was at Brendan Looney's funeral. Jack was almost a year and a half old and Emma had just been born. At the time, I was a Company Officer at USNA and attended his funeral with several friends. Sitting in an aisle seat, I watched as his Father, Kevin, made a long, heart-wrenching walk down the nave of the National Cathedral. I felt the pain of a lost Shipmate. Harder though, I felt the pain of a grieving Father who had lost his Son.

That same pain resonated within the steel of the ship on the foc'sle today. I saw the hope of a Mother and Father cut painfully short. I saw the devastation and guilt felt by his parents and those he loved. I saw Jack. I saw Emma. I saw our unborn child.

I want Jack's last check he ever writes to bounce. I want Emma to leave this earth skydiving on her 100th birthday. I want our unborn child to know the anticipation of having their own unborn child. Grandchild. Great-grandchild.

I want the parents of my Sailors to know that in their children, I see their Jack. I see their Emma. I know their children represent their hope for good in the world. I know their children represent their life's work.

And to Jack, Emma and our newest one on the way (Hank, Cora, Hadley...) your Mother and I love you unconditionally. Our love for you will never stop, no matter what path life takes you down. I will walk a road through hell by your side, holding your hand the entire way. 

-Matt

These are a few of my favorite things...

Yorgo's for breakfast after a day on the ship...

Kids playing soccer...

Backyard chickens that lay eggs...

Because of my career, unfortunately I miss a lot. But I was here. Today. And it was great.

-Matt

Thankful

Happiness vs. Satisfaction.

Seeing the picture below that Amy sent me yesterday gives me mixed emotions. Obviously, I'd love to be there with Jack, Emma and Amy and have an undoubtedly fun week at the beach. However, more than that, I'm THANKFUL that we're in a position where they can do these trips, have these life experiences, and enjoy their summer. I miss them, but I'm thankful for the good time they're having.

Wherever you are, BE there.

- Matt

Leaning forward

One of the principles that has stuck with me for a long time is one from a cross-country coach I had. The ability to succeed in cross-country in Southwestern Virginia relied greatly on how well you planned for and dealt with the hills. Races are won and lost on the hills. He taught us to lean forward and aggressively attack the uphill and don't coast and relax on the downhill, take long strides.

This next week is the last push up the hill. 

Lean forward and don't forget to take long strides on the downhill.

-Matt

AP Chemistry

So, I never took AP Chemistry in High School and, quiet honestly, it was the course at USNA that I really struggled with. So, it's definitely odd that here I am 14 years after Plebe Chemistry, as the Chemistry-Radiological Assistant (CRA). One of the aspects of the job that I didn't REALLY appreciate until I had to do it, was the check chemistry program. Basically, we watch and critique others on how they perform their analysis. Well, the Reactor Officer has to watch the CRA perform ALL the analysis. So, the past week has felt like an AP Chemistry final practical without taking the class. After most of our analysis sessions I feel like Emma here:

This position has definitely pushed me outside my comfort zone. And that's okay. 

I'm not the technical expert of the division, nor do I need or want to be. I know enough to ask the right questions and to recognize when something doesn't look right. 

I do know what great divisions and departments look like and a pretty good idea of how to get there.

Here's to more getting dirty...

Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down

There's a couple things that I miss about Sunday while I'm underway. Obviously, I miss going to church with Amy and the kids. But, there's something else, a little more subtle that I miss. I miss the "free hours" before church. I call them "free hours" because you'll never have anything scheduled then, there will never be an expectation to do yard work or anything else in those couple hours. The only thing you can really do is either go out to Yorgo's Bageldashery and enjoy the atmosphere of mostly people just waking up, dotted with the firemen and policemen who are just ending their shift; or enjoy homemade pancakes or waffles curled up on the couch with Amy, Jack and Emma. The kids will usually let me watch CBS Sunday Morning or Meet the Press for about 5 minutes, until it's too much for their toddler bodies to handle and then we watch something much more exciting like Toy Story 3, Brave, or Cars 2. Regardless of what we're watching, it's one of my favorite times of the week. No expectations to do, be, see or make. Just being there with them.

Until we realize that we only have 20 minutes until church and the kids aren't dressed yet and have dried syrup on their face... :)

 

My boy

One of the things that sticks out to me from my Plebe year experience from the Naval Academy, is the "extreme" patriotism that runs rampant. It ran through me too. It makes you think of lofty ideals in giving your life, if required, in the service of your Country. Over the years, I've come to know and respect a different kind of patriotism. The one, similar to a marriage, that is a constant choice every day; deliberate in action and intent. Every day I wake up on the ship, I strive to make it a conscious decision, to be where I am, and what I'm doing. The most difficult part, is making that decision every day over the last four and a half years after I met my boy:

Obviously, no slight on Emma; she has me wrapped around her little finger. But, I see so much of myself in Jack. And, he just got an awesome haircut today and Amy sent me a great picture of it, so he's been on my mind. Being away from Jack, Emma and Amy is harder than I ever could've imagined when I decided to stay in before the kids were born. But...

I'd still make the same decision. I'm proud of the work that I and the Sailors I lead do. A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.

Keep calm and sail on.